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One day an atheist was out hunting for deer when he heard something behind him. He turned around to see that it was a bear. The bear got closer, so the frightened atheist decided to give prayer a try. "God, I know I denied you so many times, that it would be foolish for me to ask you to help me, so I ask you to please make the bear a Christian." When he finished his prayer, the bear got down on its knees. The atheist got closer, and heard the bear saying: "God, bless this food I'm about to eat."
A man's wife insisted on going deer hunting with him. Finally, he gave in, and set her up at the base of a tree, telling her he would scout around, scare up a deer, and send it her way. After about 15 minutes, he heard a shot. He rushed back to the stand where he had left his wife to find a man with his hands in the air saying: "OK, OK lady, it's YOUR deer! Just let me get my saddle off of him."
A man was watching TV one day when he heard a knock on the door. He got up and answered the door, and to his surprise found a snail looking up at him from his doorstep. Disgusted, the man picked up the snail and threw it across the street. Three years later, the same man was watching TV when he heard a knock at the door. He answered it, and sure enough there was the snail. "Hey!" the snail called up at him, "What was that for?"
Roger and Jack were on the 14th hole, ready to tee off when a funeral procession drove down the adjoining road. Seeing the hearse, Roger stopped, took off his hat, and placed his hand over his heart. "Wow!" said Jack, "I never knew you had so much respect for the dead." "I ought to," said Roger, "I was married to her for forty years!"
Grandpa is in a coma, and Grandma is worried he is going to die. She says to her grandson, "You watch him while I prepare some food. Let me know if there are any changes in his condition." Pretty soon Grandpa wakes up and says to his grandson, "Are those Grandma's cookies I smell? Tell Grandma I want some of her cookies." The boy goes downstairs, then comes back up and says to Grandpa, "Grandma says you can't have any. They're for the funeral."
A man listening to the radio hears that a car is headed the wrong way on a highway, forcing people off the road. He realizes his wife is on that highway and quickly calls her on her cell phone. "Honey, watch out because a car is going the wrong way and running people off the road!" She screams back, "It's not just one car! There are thousands of them!"
A man and a woman got in a car wreck. Fortunately, no one was hurt. The woman said to the man, "Since we are both okay, we should celebrate. I have a bottle of wine in my car, let's open it." She got the bottle out of the car and handed it to the man. The man took a big drink and then handed it over to the woman, who closed the bottle and put it down. The man asked, "Aren't you going to take a drink?" The woman cleverly replied, "No, I think I'll just wait for the cops to get here."
Girl : Do you love me ?
Boy : Yes Dear.
Girl : Would you die for me ?
Boy : No, mine is undying love.
Man : How old is your father ?
Boy : As old as me
Man : How can that be ?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born.
Rohit Kumar Khode
B-111, Fifth Hall of Residence
Indian Institute of Technology, Kanpur