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While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends late one night, the man led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong. "What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked. "Why, that's my talking clock," the man replied. "How does it work?" asked one of his friends. "Watch this," the man said, giving it an ear-shattering pound with a hammer. Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "Hey jerk! It's 2 in the freaking morning!"
Three surgeons meet at an operating room to find three patients waiting for surgery. One is a librarian, one is a mathematician and the last one is a politician. The first says, "I prefer to operate on the librarian, as his organs should be in alphabetical order." The second says, "I prefer to operate on the mathematician, as his organs should be all numbered." The third says, "I prefer to operate on the politician, as he is heartless, gutless, spineless. And his brains and posterior are interchangeable."
A guy is sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the head with a frying pan. "What was that for?" he asks. "That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written on it," she replies. "Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Marylou was the name of one of the horses I bet on," he explains. She looks satisfied, apologizes, and goes off to do work around the house.
Three days later he's again sitting in his chair reading when she nails him with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him out cold. When he comes to, he asks, "What the heck was that for?" She answers, "Your horse just phoned."
Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called her minister. "Reverend," she wailed, "John and I had a DREADFUL fight!" "Calm down, my child," said the minister, "it's not half as bad as you think. Every marriage has to have its first fight!" "I know, I know!" said Joanna. "But what am I going to do with the BODY?"
Three friends die in a car crash, and they find themselves at the Gates of Heaven. Before entering, they are each asked a question by St. Peter himself. "When you are in your casket and friends and family are pourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?" asks St. Peter. The first guy says,"I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor and a great family man." The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children." The last guy replies. "I would like to hear them say.... LOOK!!! HE'S MOVING!!!!!"
Rohit Kumar Khode
B-111, Fifth Hall of Residence
Indian Institute of Technology, Kanpur