I was listening to the radio the other day, and I heard
one of the all-time best comeback lines in my life. Note: This is an exact replication of National Public
Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster, and
US Army General Reinwald, who was about to sponsor a
Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "So, General Reinwald, what things
are you going to teach these young boys when they
visit your base?"
GENERAL REINWALD: "We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting."
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "Shooting!!! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?"
GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching
GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see how,.....we will be
teaching them proper rifle discipline before they
even touch a firearm."
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "But you're equipping them to become violent killers."
GENERAL REINWALD: "Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?"
The radio went silent and the interview ended.
Last year a friend of mine upgraded GirlFriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and
found that it's a memory hog leaving very little system resources for
other applications. He is only now noticing that Wife 1.0 also is spawning
Child-Processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No
mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure
or the documentation, though other users have informed him that this
is to be expected due to the nature of the application. Not only that,
Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is always launched at system
initialization where it can monitor all other system activity. He's
finding that some applications such as PokerNight 10.3, BeerBash 2.5,
and PubNight 7.0 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing
the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before).
At installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of
undesired Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta
release. Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing
The features he'd like to see in the upcoming Wife 2.0 include:
A "Don't remind me again" button, Minimize button, An install shield
feature that allows Wife 2.0 to be installed with the option to uninstall
at any time without the loss of cache and other systemresources, An option
to run the network driver in promiscuous mode which would allow the systems
hardware probe feature to be much more useful.
I myself decided to avoid all of the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 2.0. Even here, however, I found many problems. Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 2.0 on top of Girlfriend 1.0. You must uninstall Girlfriend 1.0 first. Other users say this is a long standing bug which I should have been aware of. Apparently the versions of Girlfriend have conflicts over shared use. You think they would have
fixed such a stupid bug by now. To make matters worse, the uninstall
program for Girlfriend 1.0 doesn't work very well leaving undesirable
traces of the application in the system. Another thing that sucks -- all
versions of Girlfriend continually pop-up little annoying messages
about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0
BUG WARNING: Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install
Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney
files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse
to install, claiming insufficient resources.
BUG WORK-AROUNDS: To avoid the above bug, try installing Mistress 1.1
on a different system and never run any file transfer applications such
as LapLink 6.0. Also, beware of similar shareware applications that have
been known to carry viruses that may affect Wife 1.0. Another solution
would be to run Mistress 1.0 via a UseNet provider under an anonymous
On the last day of school, the children brought gifts for the teacher.
The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet. The candy-store owner's
daughter handed the teacher a pretty box of candy. Then the liquor-store
owner's son brought up a big heavy box. The teacher lifted it up and noticed
that it was leaking a little bit. She touched a drop of the liquid with her
finger and tasted it. "Is it wine ?" she guessed. "No" the boy replied. She
tasted another drop and asked "Champagne ?" "No," said the little boy.
"I give up," she said. "What is it ?" "A puppy!"
Rohit Kumar Khode B-111, Fifth Hall of Residence Indian Institute of Technology, Kanpur India-208016 firstname.lastname@example.org